he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
love makes seman taste better
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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