You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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