I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I could fuck to npr.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
