If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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