Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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