Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
