i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
