so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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