I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
