Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
