I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
