i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize