Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
