If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
