I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
