My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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