For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
