You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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