I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
