can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
