he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize