I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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