I smell stomach acid.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
