my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
