just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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