There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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