I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
