I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
