Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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