I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
