Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
