I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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