yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
