I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
