What a fucking waste of an outfit
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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