do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
