Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
