so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
