How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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