alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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