I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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