I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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