ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
