You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
