I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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