so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
