Please, let me fuck your mom
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
