I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize