i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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