Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize