this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
