Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
