Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
