I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize