She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
