GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
