Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
