Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
