I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
