had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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