what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
