My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
