my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
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