Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
