I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
there is glitter all over my balls
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