so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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