i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Houston, we have a blender
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
