Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
