Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
