We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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