dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
