my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
